giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
