Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
