I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
