i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
