So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
