when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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