so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
