I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
