So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
someone owes me an orgasm
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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