This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
