I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
