she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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