I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
