i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
