He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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