My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
