watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
