i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
