We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
