Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
