I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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