I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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