Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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