i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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