The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
