i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You made out with two different species that night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
