i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
