i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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