never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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