she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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