You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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