shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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