Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
