oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
