so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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