It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
