I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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