ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
