I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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