i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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