We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
