Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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