He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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