Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
