FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
