hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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