I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
