when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize