i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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