I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
