Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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