I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
