two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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