Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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