just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
