If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
