Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize