i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
