did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
