i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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