You made me cry and you don't even care
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
