I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
