tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
