I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
