can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
