cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
