We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The uberlube is also flammable
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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