My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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