kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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