I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
