phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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