i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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