How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
