If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
