she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
