craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
