But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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