Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
