I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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