Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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