So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
