I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're like the curious george of whores
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
