Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
