based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
