its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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