lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
