I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
