my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
