I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
