did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
