i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
