I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
