How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
