I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
