I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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