im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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