the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
