It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
