I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sober January is a disaster.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
