mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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