Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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