So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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