I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
