She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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