You can't special order awesome
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize