i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
