I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
