The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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