marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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