I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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