Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
